Ahh, the new near is arriving soon, signaling the close of the year, and the beginning of the new one

Time kinda flies right?

From the start of JC life, from PAE to JAE and now to this, have i changed through the course of everything?

Not to mention the sec sch to JC transition, i guess i haven't really changed much all the time, as a friend of mine in sec sch, who is now in the same tuition class as me said

" Irvin, you still so childish sia, i thought u will change when u go to JC "

I always think about this, am i really that childish? I guess i just like to have fun most of the time and dun really bother how i carry myself thats all

I have done my fair share of bad things, as well as good things this year, and learnt alot too, mostly about life that is, making lots of good friends, friends which always seem to offer you a way out of the mess that you always find yourself trapped in

And teachers, lets not forget them too, being idiots that do not think before we act, we always get ourselves into deep trouble, esp the guys in my class. Hahaha, ponning lecture and getting caught, not wanting to study and regretting during promos. I feel that this year has given me really good teachers, that really understand and really care about us. And because of them, i feel all the more compelled to be a better person. I may not sound as though i mean it but i really do, from the bottom of my heart, yes...

I always wanted to be able to think as an adult, to you know, be more mature? But i always can't seem to do it, maybe i'am not meant to do it, whatever. But still, i get easily jealous of other people, and it doesn't make it any simpler for me. Maybe god has a masterplan (i'am not a believer), which deems that i won't have any easy way out of this, but still, i really envy others in terms of things which i can't seem to get, maturity, results and relationships, love etc.

This really sucks doesn't it?

And friends keep saying, what will come will come eventually, but i'am not those patient kind of guy. Throw me into a game, and i'll run straight at the enemy guns blazing, screw the planning and stuff, just get things done right? Could'nt life be just like that, but yeah, its not meant to be, its about making choices, and thinking of going about to do what you are supposed to do, and how to go abt doing it, 4 years in NCC taught me to look at the big picture, and to keep the objective in mind. But it really does not make things simpler for me as it is, why can't things seem to go my way like others have theirs like the way they want it to be?

Still, i can think of an answer to that, its all a part of life nad being mature about facing them. I guess that this life ain't meant to be easy for me, and whining and groaning pitifully here won't really work right, the wrong stuff won't mend it self and u don't get the person u like. Life is more than that, i'am sure of it, won't you people agree with me?

Although things do seem hopeless for me, why do i still persist, people keep telling me to wake up and stuff, but i don't seem to. Let me let u in on a fact about me, i actually am a person who does not want things to not go his way, NCC taught me that, for the good and for the worse. Hit me and i will go down, only to stand right back up to kick u in the balls, like i did with Mr Ng back in PHS, but yea, figuratively that is. Even how hopeless it seems, i don't want to give up on things i believe in, because, one way or another, i still see hope in it. Call me an idiot, whatever. And finally because i really like you, it rly makes no difference that i mention this here, i don't think many ppl read anyway.

And it is more than enough reason for me to carry on struggling, because i will always manage to stand up no matter how badly beaten i am, that is a trait of mine that no one can take away from me. Its a good thing and most of the time, i see it as something bad that i can't get rid of. So to face things in a mature way will be what i have to do from now on.

What will come will eventually come, yes, i believe now

The ushering of the new year will be another step for me to become a better person, and i swear i will make it.

I hear fireworks now, its the new year, and so

HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL!!